What It Means to be Successful
By Emma Collins
I love the aha moment of realizing that I am stuck in evaluation or judgement mode. Observations create such spaciousness for me. I, and clients when we do this work together, get to step out of the story and experience ease and relief with the realization that I have been telling myself something that isn’t true!
A viewpoint that I have been curious about recently is around how successful I can be in comparison to others. When I look at this closely I see that I hold myself up against some other coaches and trainers, and I view myself as ‘never’ being able to reach that high….. I see that this viewpoint means I aim lower and tell myself I would be content to be half as successful as so and so.
So I ask myself whats that like to see myself from this place, and I feel a bit sad and disappointed. I am also experiencing some frustration and perhaps fear that it could be true. I notice I want to protect myself from getting hurt by aiming too high and not succeeding, it safer to aim for half the joy, half the fun and thrill so I only have to be half disappointed. Deep sigh….
So now I am asking what do I see that leads me to this conclusion. And I think of the conversation I had on the beach yesterday with a friend of mine who is also a coach. She shared with me all her training and client experiences of the last month since we last met. I am not doing what she is doing yet. I am not working with the U.N. etc. That’s it. No other evidence or facts to back up this story. Just that I am not doing what she is doing right now.
So I ask myself how else I might look at this viewpoint, that I will never be as successful as her. This bit is hard….. Well one viewpoint is that I am working towards more and higher paid clients and corporate gigs.
I find myself wanting to feel more clearly what I mean by success. Freedom, ease, abundance of work I enjoy. Playfulness and lightness around work. Confidence, a sense of certainty around work coming in. Not hustling for my worthiness as Brene Brown would put it.
I find that I could actually choose to experience most of that right now! Ok so choosing and experiencing that in my body right now.
Hmmmmmmm….I feel light, expansive and peaceful.
Ok what else…. Another, more empowering way I could look at this is that I could define my own definition of success and know that I am capable of achieving that. I am picturing this now. Feels good! Realising there are elements of my friend who is also a coach’s success that I don’t really want and other things I would like to have instead.
I am also seeing myself right now as her peer … knowing that she already sees me this way and smiling inside … remembering all the things I share with her that she appreciates and values. Experiencing a shift inside from little sister to partner / colleague / peer. Noticing that I don’t value comparisons like this, or judgements of myself or others, in other areas of my life … and willing to let go of this one around what it means to be successful.
Emma Collins – Coaching for Transformation DL03